Technology; Ain't It Grand?

Technology; Ain't It Grand?

Well, here we are; another beautiful day in rural Texas. The sun is shining, the birds are singing outside the window, the Labradors are dozing on the patio, and Jenny is steaming. Not steaming as in vegetables, not steaming as in putting a crease in my trousers, but steaming. That would be mad, to those of you unfamiliar with the term.

It wouldn't be out of place for you to ask yourself "What did he do this time?", since I am an adult male and am therefore more than capable of annoying those around me from time to time, or maybe even more often than that. The answer is: This time it wasn't me! I didn't do it! I'm clean!

Now, Jenny doesn't display unhappiness often. In point of fact, she's one of God's more consistent and even-dispositioned souls. It takes a lot to get her riled. She's riled. It's a technology thing, you see. Fabrics to Dye For exists because of technology. Jenny paints fabric, dyes fabric, designs fabric, and quilts too, but the primary business is one of selling stuff to other people who are similarly inclined. That means e-mail. That means telephone calls. That means FAXes (which, in turn, means more telephone calls; think of the way a FAX works). That means, at the end of the day, a substantial reliance on The Goodness of Technology.

Technology ain't cooperating these days.

We need to talk about this because it impacts you---our customer---too! Sometimes it's tough to get through to us. We know this for a fact because we hear it often. Why, you might ask yourself, is that the case? Why can't you get through? Therein lies the tale!

First of all, there's the internet. This is an internet business, so having a functional internet is desirable and, perhaps even, dare I say it; imperative. Our internet service is functional, but it has a mind of its own. It's always there, or at least it's usually always there, but it isn't always as fast as it could be. It's a wireless service, and the sending antenna for same is less than a quarter mile from this very spot, atop one of our community's water towers. A straight shot, as it were. It's like that little girl who had a little curl; when it's good, it's great. When it's bad, it's horrid! The problem is, you can't ever tell when it will be good or bad---it just sort of comes and goes. It's our misfortune and none of your own, to turn the tables on an old trail song, but it's still a problem, and mere mention of the internet in any context will bring clouds to Jenny's horizon on even the best of days. (I'm pretty sure it's birds pooping on the antenna way up there on that tower, but maybe it isn't. I've been wrong before, although it was only once and a very long time ago. Still, my money's on the birds.)

You'd think that would be enough, birds or otherwise, but then there's the phone. It's a business phone because, after all, this is a business. Telephone technology isn't very tough, you know. The basic principles of it have been well-known since the 1880s. The hardware has improved by leaps and bounds since then (don't send your sarcastic comments to me---I'm being optomistic here!) and the telephone as an invention is relatively bulletproof, except that ours doesn't work too well. It's a selective thing---some of the lines work all the time, but there's one that works pretty much when it pleases. Jenny's had The Big Phone Company out to have a look. The Big Phone Company will assume responsibility for the phones as far as the structure and their box, at which point it becomes an FTDF issue. Fair enough. The Big Phone Company has checked things out and assures us it's not their lines. (Not unexpected, that.) That, in turn, led to a call (on one of the functioning lines) to The Little Local Phone Fixer Uppers. Their conclusion? It's not in the building. It's a Big Phone Company Problem. After due consideration, I've come to see it as a paradox, worthy of inclusion in Joseph Heller's classic Catch 22.

This is pretty frustrating all the way around, and we know it annoys you folks too. We apologize for it. We're working the problem---we really are. Meanwhile, every cloud has a silver lining, and Jenny says this whole technology thing has one too. When things were all said and done, the mess inspired us to go out and buy the first season of "Green Acres" on DVD. The stars of that show were also trying to deal with technology in a small town; Kindred spirits, as it were, and something to laugh at and to keep us sane. Remember when they got their new telephone, and it was hooked up at the top of their telephone pole so they had to climb the pole to use the phone? 'Nuff said!

But don't mention internet in Jenny's hearing, please!

  hasta bye bye,

     phil